On Bullying

I was harassed and aggressed recently while going about my day and trying to enjoy my lunch in the fresh air after being sick all week. For 15 minutes another patron of the restaurant berated and insulted me, (pretending to speak to themselves, but so that I could hear).

My partner and I ignored it as much as we could, not wanting to cause the scene. A typical autistic trauma response, of course, the victim always not wanting to “make a big deal” of things. Even I’m guilty of that at times. After 15 minutes we could bare it no longer

We finally both said something and spoke to this bully the way anyone SHOULD confront a bully. Forceful, direct, and without fear. Those of you who know me and met me IRL know that I can be loud and boisterous when I’m passionate or angry about something.

Obviously, once confronted, as bullies often do, he backed down, complaining about OUR tone. His insults stopped. But it didn’t need to get that far. Even I, who advocate on a daily basis and try to impart advocacy to others, can fall into being the victim.

It’s normal. We can’t always fight and can’t always speak up. Sometimes we are tired. Sometimes we just want it to stop. Maybe we don’t want to deal with it anymore. Losing spoons to a bully is less spoon intensive than advocacy. It’s true sometimes.

That’s why allies are so important. That’s why we need to stick together. We need to stand up for each other. Yes, stand up for ourselves, but also our fellow autistic (and all) humans. We don’t always have the energy to fight. Be kind to one another and stand up for what’s right.