Guidelines for Safe & Neuro-Affirming Autistic Spaces
In my exploration of unmasking, advocating for ourselves and others, and evolving as an autistic human, I have found that active participation in an intentional, safe, and neuro-affirming autistic community is crucial for the wellbeing of all autistic humans. This holds true whether we convene face-to-face "in the wild" or virtually. My objective is to foster such communities by providing explicit and detailed participation guidelines that keep us all safe and affirmed.
Kindly take a moment to peruse and contemplate my "Guidelines for Safe & Neuro-Affirming Autistic Spaces."
1. Inclusive Environment - Embrace your authentic self and extend the same welcome to others. Recognize the inherent challenges of group dynamics, acknowledging the shared experience of nervousness when encountering new faces. It is almost always challenging, in one way or another, to be part of a group. I am fully aware of this fact as an autistic human myself. We all know what it is like to be nervous when meeting new people, myself included. There's no "inside" or "outside" in these spaces; we're all integral contributors, regardless of knowledge, experience, or duration in the space. Be attuned to sensitivities within ourselves and others.
2. Respectful Interactions - Valuing the differences among fellow autistic humans is paramount. If judgment arises, approach it with compassion, not conviction. Remember that others are not attempts at emulating you. Respect varying levels of knowledge and individual journeys, cultivating curiosity instead of correction. Not everyone knows what you know, nor is everyone at the same part of their journey as you. We all have what to learn from each other.
3. Advice & Communication Style - Refrain from "fixing, advising, saving, or correcting" in line with Parker Palmer's wisdom. Offer advice only when solicited, avoiding unsolicited input. Acknowledge diverse points in the autistic journey without attempting to rectify opinions. Express your thoughts lovingly and affirmatively. Everyone is here in order to learn, grow, and feel safe. Autistic forms of communication are warmly welcome and neurotypical forms of communication are best avoided as much as it is possible. If at any point you would like something repeated, clarified, or worded differently, feel free to ask for it. That is more than OK - we all communicate differently. If anyone is ever speaking too fast (I certainly can), please feel free to ask for it to be slowed down or repeated.
4. Attentiveness & Space- Give your full attention to the speaker, honoring your natural autistic way of doing so. Trust silence as a valid form of communication. Empower everyone to take up space without apology, recognizing the need to leave room for others at the same time. Everyone here is autistic and knows what it is like to be silenced and made to feel small. Acknowledge historical disparities in access to space and voice, encouraging the inclusion of all voices. Taking up space and leaving space applies equally to both Zoom spaces and text based spaces.
5. Personal Relatability - I encourage people to relate to others via their own experiences. We have been told that we are self-centered by relating to others with our own experience. This is a place to discuss, listen, and affirm your fellow autistic humans. We all know how powerful it can be to hear our own experiences in the voices of others. We encourage our spaces to be a place to be you. This means being able to express yourself. Please keep a pad to take down notes and things you'd like to share with your fellow autistics during the circle, at the right time, after raising your hand and being called on. This, and all other forms of autistic communication, are warmly welcome here.
6. Trauma Awareness - Maintain a focus on discussing and affirming autistic lives, avoiding one-way "trauma dumping." Acknowledge the shared space and exercise sensitivity when expressing personal pain with giving trigger warnings. If you have any specific traumas or triggers, please let me know.
7. Confidentiality Commitment - Commit to confidentiality, refraining from sharing group discussions externally or revisiting vulnerable issues without the person's invitation.
8. Boundaries - Everybody has different boundaries. Being respectful of others’ boundaries helps us create and respect our own. And vice versa. If you have specific boundaries, things that are crucial to your well-being and access to the space, please let the group know. If you feel uncomfortable raising those in public, please let me know directly.
9. Access Needs - Everyone will have different access needs. These may at times, compete. In 95% of the situations, we will be able to openly and honestly meet everyone’s needs. These are best spoken about openly with all. If you have specific access needs, please let me know. If you feel comfortable, please share them publicly with the group as well.
10. Repair - We all strive to create a safe space for all people. That is my goal as well. This, however, will not always be possible due to the complexities of human experience. We can, however, create ways to ensure we stay as safe as possible and create opportunities for repair. If something has gone amiss, please tell me. I will do my best to make sure that things go back to the way they need to.
11. Contact Protocol - In Zoom spaces, share contact information if you'd like to be contacted while also respecting others' choice not to do so. Avoid contacting individuals privately without permission, and report harassment promptly. In text-based spaces, seek permission before sending private messages.
12. Relationships - Respect each other's boundaries across physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual domains. The initiation of new romantic or sexual relationships within these spaces is prohibited. If you wish to be contacted, please make that clear. If you do not, you do not need to say anything. Do not contact people who are not open to being contacted.
13. Zero Tolerance for Bigotry & Hate - Reject sexism, classism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, antisemitism, islamophobia, and any form of bigotry. Individuals promoting such beliefs will be removed from the community.
14. Come As You Are - If you'd like to use your camera, please do so. If you'd like to turn it off, please do so. If you'd like to use your microphone, please do so. If you'd prefer to use text, please do so. If you'd like to simply listen, please do so. The only exception to this is making your introduction as everyone in the space is entitled to know with whom they are sharing a space. Please write your name and your pronouns. This allows everyone to be in the space and to know how to properly address you. Do not feel the need to make eye-contact. Feel free to stim, to play with your pets, to crochet, to pace around, to jump up and down, to dance, to hug your plushies, to look off to the side - this is an autistic space and we do not look down on autistic traits in these spaces. Recognize that authentic autistic freedom thrives in these spaces. Each encouragement to share and join in is exactly that—an offer, with no extra implications. Opting for silence is entirely fine, as you are the best judge of your own requirements.
13. Muting - Please keep yourself on mute at all times in Zoom, unless you are the speaker We ask for this for a number of reasons. Firstly, background noise can often be extremely dysregulating for others. Secondly, when we are not muted we are more prone to interrupt. For many of us speaking, being interrupted mid-sentence can be extremely dysregulating and it can not only make us lose our trains of thought, but also create a trauma response. This does not mean, however, that we are not encouraged to speak. Simply raise your hand using the "Raise Hand" icon in Zoom and whoever has the floor can call on you.
14. Equity of Communication Modes - We do not prefer oral communication over written communication, but nor do we prefer written communication over oral communication. If someone is speaking with the microphone, do not write long texts and interaction with the speaker while they are speaking. This is no different than taking one's microphone off to interrupt them. We also ask that chat between members in the public chat be limited while someone is in the middle of a sentence, as this can be distracting. That being said, for those of us who communicate with the written word via the Chat instead of using the microphone, do not speak using your microphone while they are typing. When someone has the floor they have the floor, no matter if the speaker is using a text or a microphone to communicate. For the person writing, speaking during their thought process is an interruption. We wait patiently for those typing just as we would for those speaking with a microphone. Those who prefer to use text to communicate, please still raise you hand and wait to be called on. Do not simply go off into text the moment you feel like speaking, as this is an interruption. This applies equally to those using a microphone, do not assume that you can just speak. Wait to be called on by whoever has the floor. If you are using text, please write in the chat after being called on "TYPING NOW" so no one pressures you to speak and we know that we should await a text. NO ONE is to interrupt the person with the floor who is typing. Sending multiple messages in the chat while others are speaking is a violation of everyone’s boundaries. If a conversation is completely one-sided, without the input from others in the space, this is a violation of not only the other members’ space, but of the space itself.
15. Time - Respecting the time of the space is also paramount. 7 minutes after the start of any space all entry will be stopped as to respect the space.
16. A Final Reminder - Keep in mind and honor the fact that I am also an autistic human and an active member within this community and its spaces, apart from my role as the facilitator. The guidelines outlined above are equally applicable to me, and the community is expected to extend the same consideration towards me as a fellow member.
For any clarifications on these guidelines, feel free to contact me at any time. During live sessions, send a private message in the chat; otherwise, reach out via email. If you observe any violations of these guidelines, please bring them to my attention promptly.
