Unmasking & Teshuvah: Returning to Our Authentic Selves
This post is adapted from a sermon I gave for Yom Kippur, exploring the themes of unmasking, authenticity, and return (teshuvah).
Teshuvah is often understood as repentance, but its actual meaning is return—returning to our true selves, to our purpose, and to our authentic lives. This period offers us the opportunity to pause, reflect, and ask: Who are we when the world’s demands and expectations are stripped away? What does it mean to return to ourselves, to others, and to the Divine?
For those who fast, it helps to disconnect from the distractions of daily life and focus on something greater. For those who cannot fast, we achieve the same through prayer, contemplation, and other meaningful practices. Some may call this focus “God,” while others might say “the Divine.” What matters is that it speaks to your understanding of what is sacred.
Fasting helps us detach from worldly distractions and turn our attention to the Divine. For those who don’t fast with food and water, we can focus through meditation, reflection, or a fast of silence. When we turn our attention to the Divine, we naturally turn toward each other, since the Divine is the totality of all of us. Rabbi Aaron Shmuel Tamares teaches that this focus attunes us to treat others better, recognizing that we are all made in the Divine image. It’s in our human relationships that we most profoundly encounter the Divine. That’s why sins between people must be reconciled between us, not just with the Divine. By turning toward the Divine, we prepare ourselves to be better partners, friends, and members of our communities.
Whether you see God as a personal being or understand the Divine as a force in motion, both perspectives invite us to connect beyond ourselves and to each other. For me, the Divine is the connection between living beings sharing experiences—a sacred web that binds us together.
As the philosopher Martin Buber taught, when two people encounter each other with their full, authentic selves, they form an I-Thou relationship. In that sacred space between them, the Divine is revealed. It’s in the authenticity of our connections with each other that we experience the Divine.
But how can we engage authentically with others if we are not first true to ourselves?
As an autistic and physically disabled person, I’ve experienced the difficulty of what we call masking—concealing my true self to be accepted by the world. Masking means changing the way I move, talk, and express my passions because I’ve learned society often doesn’t accept me as I am. This constant performance is exhausting, causing great mental and physical hardship, and disconnecting me from my true self.
Unmasking, in the autistic context, is about rejecting the roles we’ve played to fit into neuronormativity. It’s a return to who we’ve always been—our true selves—hidden away for safety. This act of unmasking is a deeply personal form of teshuvah: a return to ourselves and a reconnection with the Divine by embracing the parts of us that we’ve suppressed.
But masking isn’t just something autistic humans do. Many of you can relate to this. All disabled people know what it is to mask. All queer people know what it is to mask. Anyone living outside the majority of our society knows what it is to mask in some way. Many of us even mask our Jewishness at times. We all experience moments when we feel the need to hide who we really are to belong, receive love, or feel safe. But this distance from our authentic selves doesn’t just harm us—it distances us from each other and from the Divine.
Jewish tradition speaks powerfully to the importance of living authentically. Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Pshischa taught that each of us has a unique mission in the world, and true spiritual work begins when we honor our own uniqueness. He rejected external piety for appearances' sake, insisting that true service to the Divine must come from within, rooted in self-awareness and integrity. Simcha Bunim taught that authenticity reflects the Divine itself—just as God is One, each person is a distinct expression of Divine creation. He often criticized the superficiality of mimicking others and urged his followers to avoid spiritual deception. Only through honesty with oneself can one be honest with others and the Divine.
To be truly authentic in our relationship with the Divine, we must first be true to who we are. Only by being true to ourselves can we be genuine with others as well. Authenticity is everything.
Teshuvah is the work of unmasking—shedding the roles we’ve performed for survival and returning to the self we’ve hidden away for safety. We do this by evaluating our needs and desires honestly, recognizing the ways we’ve masked to get those needs met in the short term, and contemplating how we can meet them sustainably in the long term. When we return to that self, we also return to a deeper connection with others and the Divine.
Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, the founder of the Reconstructionist Movement, teaches that sin is not just a transgression of Divine law but a disturbance between us and the Divine. Atonement, then, is the process of restoring harmony—bringing us poise, solace, and encouragement. Kaplan believed that sin is a failure to live up to the best within us, which means that our souls are out of tune with the Divinity of the world. When we fail to live up to our ideals, we betray not only ourselves but the Divine spark within us and in others.
The Talmud teaches that on Yom Kippur, the Divine tears up our decrees. But the Mahzor speaks of something even more powerful: transformation. Yom Kippur is not just about changing the world around us—it’s about changing how we see ourselves. When we transform our relationship with ourselves, we transform how we engage with the world. This inner transformation—this unmasking—leads to healthier relationships with others and a deeper connection to the Divine.
Imagine a world where we no longer need to mask. A world where we can be fully ourselves—neurodivergent, disabled, queer, Jewish, whoever we are—and know that we will be loved and accepted. We have the power to create that world in our communities. Even if you don’t yet have that person with whom you can be fully yourself, or you haven’t realized you do, those spaces are waiting to be found or built.
Ask yourself: Are you the kind of person who makes others feel safe enough to be their true selves? Do your actions, words, and presence invite people to drop their masks and be vulnerable with you? Can your friend, family member, or acquaintance be their authentic self around you without fear of judgment or rejection? What can you do in your relationships to ensure others feel safe, loved, and seen?
It starts with small actions: offering a kind word when someone needs it, listening without judgment, and giving others the space to express themselves without fear of being misunderstood. It means checking in on the people around you when they need you, even if they can’t say it. It means being open about your own vulnerabilities, so others know it’s okay to share theirs. Being someone who creates space for authenticity is a practice—it takes time, effort, and an open heart, but it is a spiritual act of love.
Creating these spaces for authenticity is one of the most beautiful gifts you can offer—to yourself, to others, and to the world. Because when one person feels safe enough to unmask, it has a ripple effect. Your openness invites others to do the same, and slowly, we begin to create communities of trust, where each person is valued not for how well they conform, but for how fully they express who they truly are.
This is the greatest teshuvah: the return to our true selves without hesitation, without fear. When we create these spaces, we help others return to themselves and bring the world closer to what it was meant to be—a place where the Divine spark in each of us is fully expressed.
So I invite you to ask yourself: Do you have one person in your life with whom you can be totally yourself? Hold onto that relationship, because that is sacred. Nurture it, cherish it, and let it grow, because it is in those relationships that we truly encounter the Divine. Let that holiness expand into the rest of your life. And even if that person is yourself, know that you are not alone, and the community we build together can become a safe space for all of us.
The greatest teshuvah is to return to who you are, fully and completely, without shame, without fear. Let us not just return to ourselves as individuals, but to the understanding that we are all interconnected, and that our authenticity creates the conditions for others to thrive. Together, we can create a world where everyone is free to live their truth. A world where masks are no longer necessary, and the beauty of every soul is allowed to shine through.
