Who is the #ActuallyAutistic Coach?

That’s a question I ask myself quite often. As autistic and neurodivergent people we are constantly conditioned from a young age to mask in order to fit into society at-large, often losing sight of who we are. I think, however, after 37 years of exploration, that I’m starting to have a pretty good idea of who I am!

I’m Matthew,

and just like you, I’ve been autistic, ADHD, dyspraxic, and disabled since I laid my eyes on this beautiful, if not often challenging, world of ours. For a variety of reasons, however, that wasn’t always abundantly clear to me.

Undergoing all sorts of “therapy” as a child for my “differentness”, learning “how to behave”, I emerged as a young adult not being quite aware which parts of me were authentic and which were molded by “therapists”. Like all autistic kids and teens, I had my fair share of highs and lows, joys and heartbreaks, and phases of discovery.

Growing up was often tough, being so clearly different from everyone else while at the same time “looking like” the rest of my classmates. The near constant of sensory overload, the intensity of my special interests, my “somewhat goofy” disposition didn’t make things so easy for me. The ABA “therapy” that I was subjected too only made things more difficult and confusing. The day-in, day-out of masking while simultaneously still not “being normal” took a toll on my life (and in many ways, still does). I was bullied mentally and physically, even by my “friends” which lead only to more masking. I was lost.

By high school I had begun to manage to find my place (sort-of) and start the very long, seemingly never-ending journey of embracing who I was as an #ActuallyAutistic person, even if at an embryonic stage. I began to let go just a little bit more every month, getting in touch with my special interests without second-thought or embarrassment, my body, my mind, and my soul.

Arriving to university when I was 17 plugged me into a new outlet in being myself, having shed the stigma and social milieu of my hometown. I had the opportunity to study History, Jewish Philosophy, and Art History (all of which fall into my passions and “special interests”) which was a great thing for me, finally being able to focus on the things I loved and made me happy. I remember opening up a fortune cookie around that time which read love what you love without hesitation which was a game-changer for me. University life was harder in many ways than high school, and included a period of Autistic Burnout, but my process of unmasking and understanding my autistic self in a meaningful way was truly on its way and would continue for years to come (until today!)

After I graduated from university I began to work, study, and live throughout Europe, North America, and the Middle East. Like most autistic people, working in large corporate environments wasn’t suited for me and after a stint in the corporate world I went out on an entrepreneurial path, starting 7 small and medium sized enterprises (in the Sport, Property, Financial, and High-Tech industries) over 15 years. Founding and building a business or organization as a neurotypical person is challenging, but as an autistic or neurodivergent person those challenges are multiplied, by no fault of our own.

Some have been (are still are) a major success, others less so, but each one provided me invaluable experience and tools for my journey. Each venture taught me about myself, communication, self-advocacy, and helped me to gain the confidence needed to succeed as an autistic person in a neurotypical world. Beyond my professional life, I devoted (and continue to devote) much of my time to political and non-profit volunteer work with the autistic community. It was during my entrepreneurial years that I began to mentor my fellow autistic people in starting their own businesses, working together to change the landscape for all neurodivergent entrepreneurs.

Being autistic in a neurotypical world based around a productivist and capitalist model of society is extremely difficult, and let’s face it, many of us aren’t typically well-suited for it. It requires a lot of energy, often amounting in Autistic Burnout. It’s my hope that my life experience in a variety of different cultures, fields, languages, and social situations can help my fellow #ActuallyAutistic world citizens.

I believe that the best way to approach the productivist neurotypical society in which we live is by recognizing it for what it is, learning it, and then paving our own path beside it, with both gratitude for life, and a powerful drive to change the world for the better for all life on Earth.

I’m not simply an autistic life coach, a term that I never felt completely comfortable with. I see myself primarily and essentially as a teacher, mentor, guide, sensei, and my favorite term, a Teacher of the Way, or a Moreh Derekh in Hebrew, for autistic adults, in the tradition of Rabbis Aaron Roth and Dov Ber of Lubavitch.

Now that I’ve either sufficiently interested or bored you with the details of my life and worldview, allow me to share a little bit about me. The real me, unmasked and unashamed.

I love animals, particularly dogs and whales, and can tell you A LOT about them (just tell me when to stop as it’s not always clear when). I’ve been a Star Wars nerd since I was 4, having discovered a Return of the Jedi picture book from the early 1980’s in the local library. It was a foundational text for me which entered me into the deep world that is today called Star Wars Legends. It also served as an early stim, I would check it out weekly for a number of years, never leaving home without it. I stim by walking in circles and playing the same songs on repeat for hours. You’ll rarely see me without my sunglasses on and headphones over my ears. I adore maps of EVERYTHING and have since before I could read. My favorite rock musicians are Oasis and Bruce Springsteen but I have also been passionate about Jazz (specifically Bebop & Cool Jazz) since taking up the snare drum at the age of 9. Food-wise, Pizza is my best friend. I can point you in the direction of some of the best in over 60 cities all over the globe and I can show you some great recipes for making your own at home.

My great intellectual passions are History (in particular Early-Modern England, 20th Century Korea, and Revolutionary France), Mysticism, and Theology (specifically Jewish, Christian, and Buddhist), both of which I was lucky enough to have been able to study while in university. I still fancy myself to be part historian - part theologian. At one point in life I was even studying to be a rabbi (and who knows, I may end up becoming one yet!) For those interested in the Jewish part of my life, I am privileged to say that I am as comfortable at Romemu as I am in a Belz shtiebel, and have lived and learned in a diverse array of Jewish communities throughout the world.

I am an ardent supporter of Tottenham Hotspur FC and the New York Mets, both of which cause me an unhealthy amount of angst from time to time. I have a host of other special interests ranging from religious architecture to collecting liturgical works, amongst dozens of others. I am blessed to have a loving and supporting partner on the life journey that we share together. Being in an Autistic-Allistic relationship is an adventure, and I am fortunate and grateful to be on it.

In addition to being autistic and ADHD, I have Dyspraxia, POTS, and CPTSD. I have struggled with anxiety for my entire life. I am a multiply disabled human and experience the world as such. I stand in solidarity with all disabled humans, not simply my fellow neurodivergent ones. Disability justice is justice for all.

Lastly, and most important, is my enduring interest in autism rights, disability rights, and the neurodiversity movement in general. Advocating on the behalf of autistic and neurodivergent humans along with other disabled people is my life’s work and working with my fellow #ActuallyAutistic people is a great privilege.

I, like you, envision a world that is better suited for all of humanity, and am striving and putting in the effort to actualize it for all of us. In the Resources section of my site you’ll find a number of organizations that I support along with a collection of articles that I think are essential reading (or at least were for me in my ongoing journey).

So, what do I do exactly and how can I help you?

I am a seasoned educator specializing in autism and disabilities, serving as a teacher, consultant, life coach, peer support specialist, mentor, and guide. My diverse skill set encompasses various modalities, which I've honed and actively employ to empower my fellow autistics to excel in a world designed for neurotypicals.

As a neuro-affirming provider and mindfulness coach attuned to trauma sensitivity, I employ these methodologies to assist my fellow autistic humans grapple with challenges stemming from alexithymia and interoception. I seamlessly integrate these practices into our daily lives.

My profound personal comprehension of the intricate relationship between our mental well-being, the functioning of our nervous system, the interconnectedness of our body, the Polyvagal Theory, and our self-regulation as autistic humans has led me to fervently study Somatics. As a somatic coach, my focus is on understanding how the complexities of the lives experienced by autistic humans in a world that often fails to understand us manifests in the body, and how to release, move beyond, and transform these complexities in order to build a better world for us.

Furthermore, I bring a spiritual dimension to my coaching, drawing from the rich traditions of Judaism while maintaining deep respect for other spiritual paths, notably Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, and the Bahá’i Faith. I am particularly inspired and influenced by the works of the Hasidic Masters, with an emphasis on Menachem Mendl of Kotzk, Simcha Bunim of Peshischa, and Nachman of Breslov along with the Neo-Hasidic Masters, Abraham Joshua Heschel, Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, and Arthur Green.

I seamlessly (as much as possible) integrate all these modalities and facets of my life into a distinctive coaching style and methodology, tailored to help my fellow autistic humans lead their best lives. My goal is to empower all autistic humans with vitality, resilience against fatigue, and a means to navigate and get out of Autistic Burnout. I firmly believe that we should not merely endure but flourish. You can read more about my personal one-on-one services here or my group workshops here.

I am a proud member of the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, the Jewish Autism Network, Neurodiverse Self Advocacy UK, and CLE Autistes, self-advocacy organizations founded by and for autistic people.

My Professional Qualifications & Memberships Include:

  • Registered Adult Autism and Disability Education Trainer, Coach and Consultant in the French Republic and European Union.

  • Autism Coach with the APCA, the only professional organization of autism life coaches in the United States.

  • Associate Coach with Thriving Autistic, an Ireland based organization promoting the human rights of autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people throughout Ireland, the UK, and the EU.

  • Supervising Coach with the Jewish Autism Network, the world’s only intentional and specialized Autism organization in the Anglophone Jewish community.

My life experience, education, and advocacy work has given me a number of strategies and methods to living a better and more meaningful life as an #ActuallyAutistic human. My goal and privilege is to empower my fellow autistic comrades. I’m here to help. I wish that I had a autism life coach who understood the unique challenges of being autistic when I was first starting to build my life. I now want to give back. I would be thrilled to talk to you about autistic life coaching or group coaching, hear your story, think about ways that we could work together, and help you in living your best life. Let’s chat!

Life Coaching and all consultancy services provided by me are NOT a substitute for therapy or medical advice. I cannot provide you with any diagnosis or provide psychotherapy or any other form of therapy in any way whatsoever.